By: Sebastian Maniscalco
Now the check-in process at the airport, they don’t wanna look at you. Head down, right? No smile, nothing. I feel like I’m working. I feel like I work at United. Hi, how you doing? Okay. The only time they get happy is when the bag goes over the weight allowance.
They love telling you, you’re going to owe extra on this bag. And you know it’s heavy. Heavy. When you’re packing it at home, you tell your wife, we’re never going to make it with this. So heavy, right?
You put it up there and you know it’s heavy. So you kind of try and release it. You do that, like kind of soft release, like that’s going to take weight off the bag. And her mood changes. She’s like, I’m sorry.
Your bag is £2 over. You’re going to have to take £2 out of your bag now. Like an idiot, I got to open up my bag in front of 187 people. I don’t know what £2 is. I’m taking out a boot, a sock, toothpaste.
Is this tooth? Does anybody know what £2 is? They’re going to charge me an extra $8,000. You think the boots are half a pound? Where do you want me to put this? Should I put that in your carry on? I said, It’s still going on the plane.
What does it matter if it’s on top or underneath? The guy behind me is £500. That doesn’t matter. My sock is gonna take the plane into the Pacific. But you prepared for this type of weight? It’s a scam.
Every part of the at airport bothers me. The TSA. The security checkpoint. This is what’s guarding our country. Have you seen what’s in the blue shirts? At O’Hare? Do you feel safe with this type of security?
I’ve been all over the world. Egypt, Lebanon, Beirut. I’ve been all over. The security in their airports unbelievable. All military. Neat hats, machine guns. Have you seen our first line of defense? You see the first guy they send out?
Take out your laptop, your liquids, your creams, your gel. Can we leave the shoes on? Have you seen people speak guy took his shoe off, looked like he had a machete hanging off his toe. I swear to God, like he could cut provolone.
Just a thin slice of provalone. How does your toenail get to this point? Don’t you glance down and go, shit, I got to cut this before it starts coming through my shoes. These are basic skill sets.
