Comedy:
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about one of the unsung heroes of the aviation world: airline station attendants. These are the folks who make sure your luggage doesn’t end up in Timbuktu when you’re headed to Miami. They’re out there in the elements, rain or shine, cold or heat, making sure everything runs smoothly. And let me tell you, they’ve got stories.
First off, Station Attendants have to deal with all kinds of weather. They’re like the postal service of the airport—neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night will stop these guys from loading your bags. I once saw a station attendant in Toronto working in a blizzard. The snow was coming down so hard you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, but there he was, just tossing bags like it was a sunny day in July. I swear, if a tornado hit, he’d probably just hitch a ride to get to the next gate faster.
Then there’s the heat. Summer on the tarmac is like working on the surface of the sun. These guys are out there sweating buckets. You ever seen a station attendant’s tan? It’s like a farmer’s tan on steroids. They’ve got those perfect white stripes from their safety vests. You could almost use them to signal planes themselves, they’re so bright.
Speaking of signals, let’s talk about those light wands they use. Those things look like glow sticks from a rave. You half expect them to break out into dance. “Flight 429, you’re cleared for… the Macarena!” And the hand signals! I don’t know how they keep it all straight. Is that a signal to stop the plane or are you asking for another coffee?
Now, let’s talk about the bags! Station Attendants are like the ultimate game of Tetris. They’ve got to fit every shape and size into the cargo hold. “We’ve got three oversized golf bags, two surfboards, and a partridge in a pear tree. Good luck!” You ever seen the way they throw those bags? If there was an Olympic sport for luggage tossing, these guys would win gold every time.
And let’s not forget the pranks. Oh, the pranks! Senior Station attendants love to mess with the rookies. “Hey kid, go find the key to the DC-9.” The rookie runs around the airport for hours looking for a key to an aircraft that doesn’t even have one. Meanwhile, the senior guys are just watching and laughing. Classic.
So next time you’re on a flight and everything goes smoothly, remember to thank your station attendant’s. They’re out there in the trenches, battling weather, dealing with confused passengers, and playing the world’s toughest game of luggage Tetris—all while keeping a sense of humor. And who knows? Maybe one day they’ll write a book: “Tales from the Tarmac.” I’d read it. Wouldn’t you?
Thank you, and enjoy your flight!
