The Cigar Chair Caper: A Lunchroom Tale of Unbelievable Laughter
This amusing tale, as recounted by Gag’s, harks back to a time when he was just a young and inexperienced lad, a newbie, navigating the awkward terrain of the Mod M baggage lunch room, discreetly tucked behind the supervisor’s office. On this particular day, He found himself in the company of a group of seasoned senior employees, all of whom occupied every available chair and couch.
Into this already tense situation, a larger-than-life character named Jerry The Head, who happened to be the head honcho, made his grand entrance. To top it off, he was puffing away on a cigar, the very picture of authority. With an air of entitlement, Jerry promptly singled out one of the newbies, clearly laying claim to “his” spot. As if that wasn’t enough, he commenced a spirited round of trash-talking aimed at the hapless newbie, who bore an uncanny resemblance to me.
Just when it seemed that Jerry was going to revel in his newfound throne, a twist of fate emerged in the form of Soupbone. A hushed whisper from Soupbone informed Jerry that the supervisor urgently sought his presence. Without further ado, Jerry begrudgingly vacated his seat, leaving behind his precious cigar.
Here’s where the story takes a turn toward the surreal. Soupbone, seizing this moment of vulnerability, performed an act that would be etched in the annals of lunchroom legend. He sprinted over to the Head’s vacant chair, snatched the abandoned cigar, and then, in an astonishing display of audacity, dropped his pants. What transpired next could only be described as a feat of unparalleled daring. Right there, before the astonished eyes of everyone present, Soupbone slid the cigar into a place it was never meant to go, all with a speed that defied belief.
I was left utterly dumbfounded. The entire spectacle had unfolded so rapidly and unpredictably that my brain struggled to process the sheer absurdity of it all. What had just happened? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Moments later, Jerry returned to the room, grumbling incessantly about his interaction with the supervisor. He reclaimed his throne and resumed his animated chatter. Then, in an astounding turn of events, he casually picked up the very cigar that had just embarked on a rather unconventional journey and continued to smoke it.
OMG! My shock was absolute. Amid the stunned silence, there were sporadic, subdued chuckles that punctuated the room. The tension was palpable.
Soupbone, as if to punctuate this bizarre act, claimed that he hated cigars because they tasted to him like shit. Jerry, never one to back down, retorted with gusto, “HELL NO, I LIKE IT!” The floodgates of laughter burst open. The room echoed with raucous, gut-splitting laughter, as everyone rolled on the floor in uncontrollable mirth. Some even raced to escape the room, unable to contain their hilarity.
I, on the other hand, remained rooted to my spot in total bewilderment. My initial instinct was to laugh, and I did, albeit hesitantly at first. However, it soon occurred to me that it might be wiser to feign ignorance and act as though I hadn’t witnessed the spectacle. I was caught in a vortex of confusion, utterly perplexed about the appropriate response.
As I sat there, gazing at my colleagues who were in the throes of laughter, I eventually mustered the courage to rise from my seat. I crept out of the room as inconspicuously as possible, hoping not to draw any attention to myself. Once I was safely outside, it hit me like a tidal wave. I burst into laughter so intense that I feared I might lose consciousness.
Needless to say, that unforgettable lunchroom experience served as a stark reminder. From that day forward, I vowed never to leave my lunch unattended, for fear of the unexpected and hilariously bizarre moments that life could serve up at any given moment!
